Monday, August 7, 2017

Manic Hostess Monay Bonus--Best Green Lantern Of Them All?

Let me be perfectly clear--you are never going to convince me that Hal Jordan is "The Greatest Green Lantern" until you can convince me that he can handle a Hostess ad.

Exhibit 1:

Goddammit, Hal, you can't even make it one panel without fundamentally screwing up?!? You had one job--keeping your ring charged. I mean, come on!!

Fortunately for Sector 2814, children with sugary snacks are nearby...

And he skulks off, leaving the kids with a ravenous monster?!?!?!

OK, OK, anyone can have one bad day. Let's see how Hal does with a real villain:

Jeebus, Hal, how frakkin' incompetent can you be?!?!?!

Again, children with a suspiciously large supply of Hostess products are conveniently nearby...

So, we not only learned that Hal can be completely beaten in 2 seconds by one of Barry's lame villains. We've also found out that his ring, "the most powerful weapon in the universe," IS USELESS AGAINST TWINKIES!! Why the hell isn't every villain walking around with a satchel full of Twinkies, waiting to pummel Hal with them?!?! Plus, Hal is constantly having to be rescued by children!!

Somewhere, John Stewart and Guy Gardner are shaking their heads, wondering how the hell Hal got all of the commercial gigs...


SallyP said...

Oh, it is so true. Hal IS, by far the most incompetent Lantern... although for a while there, Kyle was giving him a run for his money.

I do love the shot of him skulking away in disgrace in the first ad however.

Guy would have eaten all the Hostess treats AND beaten up the villain!

Green Luthor said...

Hm, Hal tries to use his ring to make a cage around Mirror Master, Mirror Master reflects the beam so that the cage forms around Hal instead. Hal... doesn't think to just stop making the cage. Yep, that sounds about right. Good job, Hal.

Random children know that GL's ring can't affect anything yellow. How does every villain in the DC Universe not carry around something yellow just in case? I can accept that not everyone can get their hands on kryptonite (although sometimes it sure seemed that way), but... how hard is it to paint a knife yellow? It's not like a large number of villains in DC don't use weapons of some sort to begin with, just make them yellow and you're at least prepared for ONE Justice League member. Sheesh.

"I love the creamed filling even more than helping you, Green Lantern. Then again, I also love sticking forks into electrical sockets more than helping you. Seriously, you need random kids to show up to help you? You suck."