Sunday, December 11, 2016

Popeye And The Redistribution Of Wealth!

Popeye has rescued Mr. Fullbank and his son from the wicked plans of Fullbanks' wicked twin brother.

Now it's reward time!

Well, you've got to wonder about the denominations of any bills (or coins?!?) which make that little bag add up to one million dollars.

But mysteries of the rich aside, Popeye and Swee'Pea are set for life now, right? Right...?




So...


See--print journalism can be profitable!!!

Hey, wait a minute, Popeye--you just condemned that young newsie to all the terrible things you were afraid would happen to Swee'Pea!! You bastard!!

Of course, Popeye's attitude towards wealth would change a bit in future years, when he kept $21 million in captured pirate loot buried on his property...

From Dell Four Color $145 (1947)

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Story Most In Need of A Sequel?

Things That I Had No Idea Existed Until 10 Minutes Ago:

I haven't read this--I just stumbled across the cover online.

The cover is by Trevor Hairsine. The story, "The Strange Case Of Bill Clinton," is by John Wagner and Siku.

And I have no idea whatsoever what happens in it.

But as long as we're going to have Judge Dredd visiting (or being visited by?) United States presidents, well...it might be an appropriate time for a sequel/follow-up...

From Judge Dredd Megazine 2.72 (a.k.a. Meg 92), 1995

Friday, December 9, 2016

Friday Night Fights--Ten Rings To Rule Them All Style!!

No prologue to this week's Friday Night Fights--just straight to the punchin'!

It's time for another one of the Mandarin's plots to trick the USA, China and Russia into a 3-way nuclear war, so he can rule the ashes.

(Honestly, that seems like a pretty dumbass plan to me--but what do I know about megalomaniacal plots?)

Fortunately for all of us, Iron Man is there to stop him.







De-blinged!!


KRAM!!

Spacebooger would settle for a war between Golden State, San Antonio and the Clippers, wrecking the NBA and leaving Cleveland to rule them all...

Maximum fist in face is from Iron Man #100 (1977)--yes, kids, comics once reached numbers like 100, and it was a big deal!--by Bill Mantlo, George Tuska and Mike Esposito

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? KRAM, that's why!! So go and vote!!


Thursday, December 8, 2016

75 Year Old Captain Marvel Is Better Than No Captain Marvel?!?

Good news, people!

Ye Olde Tyme movie folks at Kino Lorber announced that the 1941 serial The Adventures Of Captain Marvel will be coming to home video soon.

Here's a better poster:

Should be great cheesy fun.

I wonder how they'll get around the trademark issue, as Marvel/Disney have to be all mobbed up lawyered up to protect their Captain Marvel movie.

But the real question is: Hey, DC, are you embarrassed? Because it sure looks like a niche home video marketer will be putting out more Captain Marvel material than you will in 2017.

Oh, sure, you've got your Shazam movie theoretically scheduled for 2019, but with only the villain cast, and no director or writers or other actors attached. And the way DC/WB seems to lurch about changing direction after each film they release, who knows even if that vague plan will hold?

What about comic books, then? Gee, ever since Geoff Johns' "reinvention" of the concept, literally no one at DC has shown the least interest in doing anything with it. Even with a "rebirth" to fix things if needed, Captain Marvel & Family seem to be on the burner behind the back burner.

To summarize: if you want adventures of the Big Red Cheese, the people who actually have the rights to give you new stuff won't give you anything. You've got to rely on other companies to clean up & release public domain materials.

Sigh...

Maybe Popeye Should Have Invested In Bitcoin?!?

Popeye has a problem.



D'oh!!



This is why you use banks, Popeye.

Or at least tattoo the map on yourself, Memento-style.

SPOILER ALERT--With the help of Eugene the Jeep, Popeye finds his buried money. This time.

From Popeye #53 (1960), as reprinted in Classic Popeye #53 (2016)

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Your Tax Dollars At Work--Sprocket Man!!

America needs a new kind of hero:

Yes, Sprocket Man!!

And who is the genius behind this new protector of bicycles?

Yay!!

Sprocket man has come to protect us from ANARCHY!

And, well, also to protect cyclists from a disturbing number of threats!!

And, apparently, cyclists have to be taught how to make a left turn...

And whatever you do...

...don't make Sprocket Man facepalm!!

Also, life is pretty freaky in the big city:


...buffalo...?

And for training?
OK, I don't think hat's ever going to happen...

By the way, you've been riding your bike wrong all these years!

Plus. your bike is in "sad shape"!!

Take a bow, Sprocket Man!!
Sprocket Man is from 1981

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

The Rich Are Different!

Just another day in the city...


He's got a point...

Don't be too mad at the guy--it turns out this was just a dream.

Still, he might want to look into openings in the Trump administration...

From All-Star Comics #15 (1943)

The Spectre's Handwriting?!?

One of the reasons that I'm prohibited from writing comic books is that I obsess over the stupidest things. For example...

The members of the Justice Society are all tied up on individual missions, so they won't be able to make their monthly JSA meeting. [SPOILER ALERT: it turns out to all be part of the work of the same villain--Brainwave, in his first appearance!] So they've all sent letters to the Society's secretary, Wonder Woman, explaining why they won't be there. [SPOILER ALERT--before we get all huffy over the "secretary" business, you should note that by reading these letters, Diana was able to deduce that it was all the same case, and where the villain was hiding out. So points there. Then again, all she managed to do with that information is get herself (and all of the JSA's girlfriends) captured. So I guess you can get chuffed.]

Also, letters? I mean, obviously no email or texting...and I guess long-distance telephoning was still so expensive/unreliable. But why not send telegrams?

Anyway, here's some samples from some of their letters. Hawkman:

Dr. Midnight:

Johnny Thunder:

The Atom:

Sandman:
Starman:

Doctor Fate:

And, of course, the Spectre:

Wait wait wait.

Why is the Spectre's letter the only one not written in cursive?

I know, I know, it's a stupid detail. Really, who cares?

But it tasks me!!

Is it because he's dead? Can people from the afterlife not write in cursive? Did Jim Corrigan fail penmanship in school? what is the reason, I HAVE to know!!!!

Most likely, of course, it's that whoever lettered that story didn't feel comfortable doing cursive, or misread Gardner Fox's instruction in the script, or just one of the random bits of discontinuity that occurred in the Golden Age.

But c'mon, man!! It's so glaring!! Why??? WHY?!?!?!?!

And that's why I'm not allowed to write comics--because I'd insist on coming up with an in-story reason for something ridiculously trivial detail from a 73 year old comic book, and end up writing a 12-part arc explaining that, just as Etrigan can be a "rhymer," so too does Heaven have ranks that determined modes of communication, and at this point the Spectre was a "Printer, and Brainwave later tricks him into writing something in cursive, which disrupts the order of the heavenly host so Per Degaton can...

Seriously, it is for the good of all of us that I'm not allowed to write comics.

From All-Star Comics #15 (1943)