Thursday, October 19, 2017

Why You Didn't See More Product Placement In Stephen King's It!

Maybe it's just me...

...but maybe making Pennywise your spokesman was a bad move for Kool-Aid!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Also note--8 flavors of Kool-Aid?!?! Pity your poor forefathers, who couldn't enjoy the 91 (!) flavors available in modern times.

From Looney Tunes #175 (1956)

Seven Proofs Of An Unworthy Ruler!!

So, you think that your nation has ended up with a terrible, terrible leader.

But how can you be sure? I mean, maybe it's just sour grapes because your preferred candidate didn't win. There must be some objective test you can use to tell if your current leader is a crappy, crappy ruler.

Thanks to Celtic warrior and king Slaine, we have exactly the test we need!!


OK...

Keep going...

You don't say...

Well, sure...

So, how did your ruler come out?

Ours was 7 out of 8. A perfect eight if you count worshipping himself...sigh...

From 2000AD #2052 (2017)

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

The Best Cover You've Never Seen--Master Of Kung Fu #3 (1981)

I could have picked any cover from the era, really...

...but somehow Shang- Chi battling foreign agents while trying to recover Nazi secrets from a sunken ship in Hong Kong tickled my fancy.

The final Master Of Kung Fu Omnibus is out, so that probably had something to do with it...

Master Of Kung Fu #103 is from 1981, cover by Gene Day

How To Evade Hal Jordan's Unwanted Attentions!

What to do when Hal Jordan pus the moves on you?

Katma Tui has a solution!

After she totally saves Hal's butt when he's been beaten by Sinestro, Hal thanks her in a way we'd consider inappropriate these days:

So, has does Katma deal with it?

Really.

This is Katma Tui, who was going to leave the Green Lantern Corps and marry male Korugaran scientist Imi Khan until Hal tricked her out of it (Silver Age!!). Then again, If Korugarans who look female to us Earthers aren't female, well, maybe males aren't male, either.

Still, this is Katma Tui, who married Earther Green Lantern John Stewart. So those trans-species gender problems suddenly didn't matter? Was John just studlier than Hal? A better kisser? (As if!!) I'm sure Hal had some questions about that wedding! ("But I thought you said...)

Or did Crisis somehow effect the gender status of Korugarans? Should we explore how that effects Sinestro and perhaps explains his obsession with Hal?!?

I've researched, and can't a single other instance where we get confirmation of Katma's "no, I just look female" status. So we have to assume that she's totally bullshitting Hal here, right?

So, I guess if someone is harassing you , you can try the "Sorry, wrong species, chum" defense. If it works against Hal Jordan, it will work against anyone!!

From Green Lantern #124 (1980)

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Great Moments In Bad Predictions--Jets!

Oh, look--more predictions!!

All right, show us what you've got, 1946 comic book!

Wait...

"Soundlessly like bats on the wing"?!?

Do you understand what jets are? Why do you think jets are, well, silent--when in reality, they're really, really really loud?!? Much louder than propeller planes, in general!

Yes, yes, modern aircraft are making strides at reducing noise, and the stealth bomber is pretty quiet. But I'm not giving this piece credit for those advances, when they were telling us that jets could buzz cows without disturbing them.

It's almost like comic books didn't really know anything about science!

From Green Mask Volume 2 #5 (1946)

Namor Must Have Had A Very Good Press Agent!!

Ladies and gentlemen,the Four Horsemen!

Wait...what?!?


Hitler, Mussolini, Death...and Namor?!?!

It's the second half of 1941, and while the U.S. isn't in the war yet (as evidenced by the lack of Hirohito is that quadrumvirate of destruction), Namor, like many of the Timely heroes, has had a grand old time fighting Nazis.

But continuing German/British/Russian naval battles are hurting Atlantis!

Refugees from other undersea civilizations have come, seeking the Sub-Mariner's help!


Man, some weird looking dudes live under the sea...

So, they'll unite to end the war!! Huzzah!!

But Princess Rathia has more ambitious goals...

Presenting the best use of quotation marks in Golden Age history:

"Friendlier." Snort.

Anyway, Namor is letting his nether parts do the thinking, and he dreams...

So he sets out to conquer the world.

The Human Torch tries to warn everybody...

...but it's tough in the era of fake news!

As an aside, the Torch does find time to go warn his jungle buddy Ka-Zar!

[Note: that's the Golden Age Ka-Zar, not Kevin Plunder who would end up in the Savage Land. 'nuff said!]



So, yes, the jungle character is having animals build a giant ark to protect themselves against tidal waves caused by Atlantean war machines! Because comics!!

BTW, check out Namor's new fascist fashions!

Anyway, Namor captures the Torch, and uses mind-control drugs to get him to blow up vital wartime shipping!!
Ah, but when the Torch sees the American flag, that's enough to snap him of Namor's spell!!



In the meantime, as we saw in yesterday's post, Namor managed to conquer Gibraltar, destroy the Italian navy, briefly capture Berlin, and march on Chicago with mechanical whales!!

But the Torch managed to thwart him, and now has Namor on the run. Which means, it's time for the amazingly convenient renunciation of the taking of thousands of lives!!



Let's note--there was no "spell" here. No magic, no mind control, no telepathy. She just got "friendly" with Namor and Lady Macbethed him into trying to conquer the world.

But just like a Star Wars movie, saying "Gee, I'm sorry" is enough to forgive genocide!!

He does, she's captured (and never seen again, ever), and...

"You must behave"?!?!? Talk about soft on crime!!

I wonder how often these events came up at Invaders meetings...

From Human Torch #5[b] (1941)

Monday, October 16, 2017

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--What The Hell Is Namor Driving?!?

I mean, really...

What the hell is that?!?

Of course, that vehicle appears nowhere in the issue--because Namor has much, much cooler vehicles at his disposal!!

This fleet of artificial whales is so awesome that it captures Gibraltar...


...destroys the Italian submarine fleet...

...conquers Berlin...


...And they're even on their way to conquer America!!

Don't worry, the Human Torch stops them!! But that's a story for another day...

From Human Torch #5[b] (1941)

Manic Monday Bonus--Captain Marvel, Building Inspector!!

Whilst busting up a crooked developer...





(I suspect a judge might disagree with you there, Captain...)


Good thing you never saw the plumbing!!

From Captain Marvel Adventures #63 (1946)